Opinions on this piece I wrote?

I love the meaning of this poem, but I think it would be much more powerful if it didn't rhyme. Because it rhymes, you need to have a solid rhythm/meter, but you don't have this. The third line must be spoken too quickly and the fourth has the stress off where it should be. If you want it to rhyme, you have to have a consistent meter as well. (in my opinion) I would get rid of the rhymes altogether. Do it completely free verse. Rhyming is hard to do without sounding bee-boppy, happy-go-lucky. This isn't a happy-go-lucky poem. Also, if you pick up poetry journals that are being published now, you almost never see rhymes. I think it has great potential.